Well, to be Honest
by faballa
Summary: A Death Eaters meeting starts with a bit of wine, and ends in tears. Whose tears? Well, you'd be surprised about what contents can get to, um, "people."


**I don't own these characters. I'm hoping to one day gain Snape, though. Because, come on, who wants a Snape?**

**Time Period: **Book Five

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"I call this meeting of the Death Eaters to order," Voldemort's voice, magically amplified, echoed over the sparse amounts of Death Eaters. "Any new information on Harry Potter?" Everyone sort of shrugged their shoulders, looking around from one to the other. "No one? Not anyone at all? Fine, we shall drink." He pulled out an old bottle of wine and began to pour it into a set of goblets. "A toast: to our inevitable conquest!"

"Hear, hear!" Everyone cheered and clinked their glasses.

"Now, what does everyone really think about my plan on the prophecy? Come on, I really want to know." He took a swill of his drink.

"Well," Bellatrix Lestrange's eyelid fluttered, but she quickly regained her voice. "I have no idea what the plan is. I've spent the let seven meetings picturing you naked." Her face went sort of white, and she clamped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, it's all right, Bella," Voldemort said loosely. "I've been doing the same thing to Lucius." Lucius turned the same shade of white as his sister-in-law, but replied frankly.

"Well, that's odd. I've been thinking about ratting everyone out for my own financial gain!"

"Oh really?" Voldemort seemed somewhat jovial at this news. "Well, I'll most certainly have to kill you!"

"For the past two weeks, I've been thinking of killing him in his sleep," Narcissa blurted.

"To be perfectly honest," Snape said, smirking. "I've been planning on doing the same thing to you ever since I met you. Your screeching voice has slowly been driving me mad for the past twenty-four years."

"Remember that time you kissed me?" Bellatrix inquired scathingly. "I told you that you were a good kisser? Yeah, I lied."

"Well, how was I supposed to kiss you while you shoved your tongue down my throat?" he snarled back.

"People, people," Voldemort said calmingly. "Let's not argue! As much as I'd love to kill you all and feed you to Nagini—"

"I think it's the creepiest thing in the world that you feed all of your victims to that freak snake," Lucius jumped in.

"How dare you insult Nagini?! She is my _life partner_." The rest of the room stared silently in awe. "Don't pretend you didn't know!"

"I knew!" Snape volunteered.

"You don't count. I've been doubting whether you're human, or just a highly skilled and well disguised suit of armor," Voldemort snapped.

"That is somewhat offensive! Would Dumbledore like to hear you talk like that?"

"Well," he sighed, "I suppose not. He always said I was too judgmental. Perhaps he was right…"

"Oh no!" Bellatrix simpered. "You're absolutely perfect in my eyes! And I love, and that's all that matters!"

"Shut up Bella," Lucius said. "No one cares what you think!"

"You're so mean, Lucius!"

"It's not mean, it's the truth!"

"Will everyone just shut the fried eggs up?!" Voldemort yelled over the turmoil. "Now, back to the prophecy…"

"No one cares about your damn prophecy!" Snape yelled back.

"No, no My Lord, that's not true!" Bellatrix gasped, flinging herself around Voldemort's shoulders. He attempted to peel her off, but she clamped her claws, er, _nails_ into his back.

"Bella…Bellatrix _get off!_"

"No."

"You know, she pictures him during sex," Narcissa pointed out to Rodolphus, who looked mildly ill.

"Some part of me knew that."

"I really wish I didn't know that," Lucius wrinkled his nose. "Then again, I do the same thing." Narcissa's jaw dropped. "What? He's a good looking man!"

"I'm just going to forget you said that."

"I didn't know I was that attractive," Voldemort mused. He summoned a mirror, "Though my skin _has _been looking quite a lovely shade of green lately."

"I think you're gorgeous."

"How many times do I have to point out that people don't listen to you while you speak?" Lucius asked, rolling his eyes while Voldemort preened in the mirror.

"Yes, I am quite possibly the best looking person on the planet. Should I be a model? Do they make good money?"

"Modeling agencies tend to look for someone with more…human features," Snape quipped. Voldemort looked away from his mirror; his red eyes filling with hurt.

"Ouch, Severus. There's being honest, and there's being just plain mean."

"Yeah Snape," Narcissa nodded. "You definitely crossed a line right there."

"Severus, I think it's time for you to leave," Lucius nodded.

"What? I was just being honest!"

"No, you've definitely worn out your welcome."

"But—"

"LEAVE!"

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Snape stomped into Dumbledore's office later that evening. His face was a bright red and his eyes were flashing angrily. Dumbledore merely looked up from his book and smiled warmly. "Ah, Severus. I trust the meeting went well?"

Instead of answering, he growled, "For what, exactly, did you have me brew all of that Veritaserum?"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Mostly Ministry related things; you wouldn't be interested."

"Oh," he turned around, muttering something about, "Must have been spoiled drink…"

"By the way," Dumbledore called. "Did Tom get that wine I had Dolores send?"

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**A/N: **Relatively short, but it's the first thing I've written since I finished my mini-series. Good? No good? I took most of the Death Eaters' dialogue from real-life situations.


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